Dissociation
Early morning running of a clever mind
Winding through endless, shapeless paths
Looking for that place to rest the tired feet
Of the ever so fast moving time
Staring blankly at the white space
Feeling lost yet somehow secure
Secure in the world that has rest it's ease
Where the young ones sleep peacefully
Awaiting for their morning of temporary pleasures
You grow older, watch the years dissolve
Along with your faith and excitement for so-called
Family celebrations of Christ's birthday
Disconnected from all as
the world's moving, flowing in one direction
And I am the lost salmon, swimming under-stream
Swimming opposite, away from up or down
Aware that it is deceiving to the natural flows of the river, of life
But what is natural anyways?
What is real and what has the human mind misconstrued for the pleasures of consumerism
Can people even differentiate the two these days?
I lie here staring at my mind which consumes that white empty place with blotted black lines
And I can't help but question this existence of mine
It's so simple, I do not matter, we do not matter
Yet we have the effect on the earth to matter
So what is matter
Aren't we all connected to it somehow
I close these questioning eyes of mine and search
For that place where I find my peace
Search for that place where life is simple
Full of creation
I was once told I do not exist like I think I do
But that's subjectivity
Because I'm not even sure if I even exist at all
I'm not sure if this is a dream
If this is a projection
Maybe I'm a stationary rock sitting at the bottom of a river
Yet that can't be
I feel, I hurt, I'm numb
Time moves, or is it the days that are going by
Sometimes I feel, like I understand too much
Like I discovered this world very young
and discovered, that there was no meaning at all
I discovered how to read people
inside and out
How to thoroughly investigate their motives, their wants, their impending thoughts
From the simple glare into their eyes
That reveal the truths behind their intentions
and you read through all the fucking little lies people play with their lives
You find that, we are all twisted and dark in our own ways
We are all these individual pieces of energy that find interest in ourselves
We want our power and we want it now